Ask before the moment feels rushed
Try “Before we have sex, I’d like to talk about barriers and testing.” You can each discuss when you were last tested, whether there has been sexual contact since then, and what questions you need answered. You do not need to demand someone’s entire sexual history to ask about your own choices.
A test has a context
Many STIs do not cause symptoms, and testing needs depend on the kinds of contact and the timing of a possible exposure. A recent test does not answer every question about subsequent contact. Ask a sexual health service which tests and timing are appropriate instead of trying to work out a personalised testing schedule from a general article.
Talk about barriers separately
Testing and barriers do different jobs. Discuss what barriers you want for the activity you are planning, even if you have both been tested. Condoms and oral dams are options to ask about. If pregnancy is possible, discuss contraception too; many contraceptive methods do not protect against STIs.
Make an access plan
You might want help booking, transport, extra communication time, or information in another format. Ask the service what it can arrange. If you want a partner or support person involved, explain the role you want them to have. You can also ask to speak privately.
Keep the language respectful
Use words such as “tested”, “results”, and “STI”, rather than describing a person as clean or dirty. If someone has a diagnosis or is waiting for results, you can discuss next steps with a health professional and make a plan without blame. If something happens that worries you, seek advice promptly rather than waiting for symptoms.