Start somewhere ordinary
It can be easier to talk about intimacy when neither of you is trying to make something happen. Choose a moment with privacy and enough time to answer. You could start with: “I’d like us to talk about what feels good and what doesn’t. Is now a good time?” A no to the conversation right now can simply mean finding another moment.
Ask about the person, rather than the diagnosis
“What would help you feel comfortable?” leaves room for an answer that is actually useful. “Can people with your disability do that?” can turn someone into an explanation of a condition. Partners can be curious without expecting a disabled person to teach them everything at once. Share your own preferences too; this is a conversation between equals.
Make communication work for both of you
A conversation can be spoken, typed, signed, or supported by an AAC device. Ask which method works best and allow time for a response. Before sexual activity, agree on clear ways to say yes, no, pause, and stop. Keep communication tools accessible. If an answer is unclear, stop and check rather than guessing.
Leave room to change the plan
You can be interested in something in conversation and decide against it later. Agreement to one thing does not cover everything else. Try a simple check-in: “Still comfortable?” or “Would you like to keep going, change something, or stop?” The point is to hear the answer, including an answer you were not hoping for.
One question to take with you
“What would you like me to understand about intimacy for you?” You can each answer, take a break, or pass. You do not have to solve your whole relationship in one conversation.